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Thursday, April 23, 2015

Spring, a Poem


Snow pulls your cedar fence apart, pushes it slant.
Crossbars slump into symbols for “less than.”
Winter loosens its hold, sinks into flood, rushes
the downward slope to the river.
A red ribbon rides the melt, dangles on the lip
of the storm drain, bright floss tangled in a gritty grill.
You wait weeks for the slow dissolve of winter,
to discover your yard, wounded.
Then, one morning, above the crocus
and compost, this burst of russet
on a damp grey limb.
A robin sings.

Last week, I posted six objective observations from my neighbourhood, as part of a course I am following. This week, the assignment is to use those observations as the basis for a poem. The poem should also make use of sonic word associations and utilize differing line lengths to create pauses at expressive moments.

It is helpful to begin with a bit of language that holds interest, such as my “slow dissolve of winter” and from that create a word cloud of sonic associations. 

The word “dissolve” produced a word cloud of solvent, ventilation, discuss, discover, concussive, dishevel, solution, ablution, sheen, blue.

The word “winter” gave me a word cloud of winner, nerd, twin, tern, turn, winsome, win some, terrify, wonder, wound her, wound.

I used the words “discover” and “wound”  in my poem because they added sonic echo and because they suited what I wanted to say.

In “Spring”, my line lengths vary as I create brief stops or breaks where I want the thought/image to pause. Often at the beginning of the next line, there is a twist or additional information, a surprise. Line breaks allow me to share with the reader, the places where a pause will help with their understanding of the picture I am painting.

“Spring” is a draft poem, a work in progress. As always, my photos and words are copyright 
©2011-2015 Carol Steel.


Jane Tims said...

Hi Carole. Very evocative. I like the slant and less than sign. Also, the discovery of wounds after the spring reveal. Your 'sonic' associations are working well. The poem has a hesitation to it that contributes to the gradual discovery. Jane

Carol Steel said...

Thanks, Jane, for the feedback. It is always helpful to hear what you see in my poems. I like this poem but feel it needs more work; it's a bit rough and has some "expected imagery" in it. I will continue to hone it. Thanks for your comments. I appreciate the time and thought you put into them.