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Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Yesterday's Anger

Yesterday, something happened and I got really angry.  As soon as it began, I knew that I had fallen into an old obstructive pattern of mine: confusion, frustration, hurt feelings and anger.   

That hasn’t happened for a long time.  Yesterday, I got trapped in it again, telling myself the same stuck repetitive old stories, swirling in the emotional toilet bowl.  Angry.  Pissed off.  Just plain mad. 

I am a responsible adult.  I work energetically to raise my honest awareness of my own weaknesses, inadequacies and triggers.  I struggle with myself over how to transform those parts of me that need amelioration and I have successes.

It isn’t easy and I’m not perfect.   But, once I have an epiphany that I am swirling downward, I can climb out of the bowl; I can see that I am no longer dealing with the actual situation instead I have become focused on my internal interpretation of the situation.   With great relief, I can say goodbye to the anger, flush that emotional toilet and move on.

Each day, I want to be generous, peaceful, open and kind.  Some days that is easier than others.  Yesterday wasn’t a good day and I didn’t succeed.

Gaining perspective and taking time away from a stressful situation always helps me, as does recognizing my own imperfections and needs for further growth.  Then it becomes possible to acknowledge my angry feelings, to respect them and most importantly to let them go.  I am imperfect, always re-learning that patience and listening go much further than angst and anger.

The Buddha says:

In the end these things matter most:
How well did you love?
How fully did you love?
How deeply did you let go?

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